Ogres

We all know what trolls are in the online sense, but for this post I want to discuss what I call the Ogres. These are companies that offer what appears to be a free service then later put restrictions on you that weren't detailed when you first started using their product or aren't actually openly explained to you after they have implemented them.

This does happen in the gaming world but more so with other entertainment products. For this entry I choose to pick on Spotify for I am willing to listen to your adverts but when you market yourself as a 'listen to the music you want when you want' and don't specify; 'but if you don't pay you can only listen to the music you want so many times and only for so long' you become an Ogre.

This causes the users of your services to feel somewhat cheated and you don't win many conversion through destroying the trust your potential customers had in you. Consumer trust is just as applicable online as it is in the physical shops.

No one wants to to be enticed into a shop with reassurances that everyone will receive a special offer only to discover the 'everyone' mentioned in the fine print is actually the first five hundred customers and you're now the five hundredth and sixth. Sorry about that...

Ogreism also leads people to examine your product at greater depth. You lose the complacency angle and the brand favourtism as a result. Let's explain it this way:

- Spotify asks £10 a month to listen to whatever you want online and off line.

-In the span of a year you have spent £120.

-That equals 24 music CDs annually or more depending if you buy from second hand shops.

-24 CDs will offer between 240-300 tracks

-That price also equals out to 150+ iTunes downloads.

-At the moment on Spotify I have 123 tracks (45 of which are seasonal holiday songs)

-As such I would get greater value from iTunes

-I very much have no qualms buying from second hand music shops however

*Especially considering Spotify hasn't had 20% of the tracks I have wanted to listen to on their service

This is just one example of Ogreism. Paywalls are quickly becoming the norm. I know of several games where you can't progress unless you're willing convert to paying. Those are dirty tactics I can't stand behind. I don't care if the grade of the slope equals out to a month worth of my time, I will commit to it if it's worth it. Just as I am willing to watch adverts during online television services or going back to the beginning every fifth song on Spotify.

I am earning you money through marketing; if that isn't good enough then why make it an option? I have tried your product and it's not bad I will give you that, but it's not worth THAT much and seeing as your free service lacks clarity I can no longer trust your paid service to be as well.

So hats off to the Ogres. Those companies that do because they feel you should pay to adore their products and impress them!

In the coming months I hope to discover Napster or Rdio has perfected the formula. Glad to see you're still kicking Napster! Long time no see. :)

Zero Punctuation

Time to take a few minutes to discuss one of my guilt free pleasures. A comedic gem of game related entertainment presented by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw for the online magazine The Escapist.

If you have difficulties following discussions with people who talk to quickly or offend easily, you shouldn't consider this a valid form of entertainment for yourself for personal reasons.

If you are someone who has no difficulty tolerating fast wit, sarcasm, usually at least one penis reference and some mild to moderate language AND you love games, get on this! WARNING! If he has reviewed something you are going to play, don't watch that video until after you have done so as he does have a habit of reviewing from beginning of end, so spoilers may be included.

Crowshaw's brilliant wit is well presented in these animated short reviews at a blinding pace I have had to rewind back through to catch at times as some of the reviews have reduced me to tears so dire I couldn't hear what he was going on about. In them, he makes the observations so many of us do as well as present common complaints in gameplay or whatever it is he is covering with such stark honesty you walk away knowing he is one hell of an endearing prick.

So if you have a few minutes to burn and need something to entertain yourself with visit The Escapist site or look up Zero Punctuation on YouTube.

I don't recommend you do this on public transit or any other highly populated or quiet area unless like me you strive to encourage people to sit as far away from you as possible. The reviews are both candid and frank and even when he's liking on something it's difficult to differentiate from his various modes of dislike, disinterested, unimpressed and lovin t' death.

Again, keep the screen to yourself when around proud company as there is almost always at least one phallic outburst and countless references to bodily fluids amid disappointments. One can appreciate the reviews whether he's slating a game you love or enjoyed it as well. Dire hard fan boys and girls should maybe avoid reviews on games in their collection that they feel can do no wrong. If you can't objectively look at the games you play you will fail to laugh at his blunt pointing out of the countless failures games are often full of due to short production schedules and speedy releases.

Go, watch, enjoy!

cheating VS exploiting

I want to have a quick word about the art of exploitation. Those of you that know me personally will have heard this argument before but I realise I need to get this discussion out of the way as I want to post on the various reviews if there are exploits about it.

Gaming definitions for beginners!

Cheater 

= Someone who wins through altering code or installing programs that alter code for them (this is illegal)

Exploiter 

= Someone who identifies areas of code that are missing or were never implemented and uses it to their advantage (this isn't illegal)

Cheating = Violation of Terms

Exploiting = Valid lack of boundary

Cheating = ILLEGAL

Exploiting = NOT ILLEGAL

Cheating = Stealing food from someones bag at work

Exploiting = Getting two items of food from a vending machine you noticed wasn't aligned properly and might offer the chance at a double payout (you seriously going to tell me you don't check the vending machines for this before purchasing..?)

Now that we've cleared that up, let's move on!

I have years of testing under my belt and this skill has worked to my benefit while having that job. Please developers and publishers of said games I review DON'T BAN ME PLS! I'm not breaking the code of conduct and/or the users rights agreements. I am not altering code, adding code, or messing about with code via a third party program I am simply identifying the weak points in the code given.

If I mention an exploit and it actually gets fixed, hats off. I will not do anything the game doesn't allow me to do either intentionally or by accident. With so many games being playable between devices and different medias the server cross off data and refresh capabilities of games can sometimes be easy pickings. 

If anyone takes my exploits away from me I offer you +10 respect in return and it won't cause me to slate your products but applaud your company for outsmarting me. At the heart of every farmer is the love of a challenge. We are bright and get bored easily. When we're bored, we dick around with what we have at hand. These days, that's almost always a mobile device or social game.

ePad Femme

You know I'm gonna hop on this boat! I'll try and be gentle.

So the ePad Femme is going to be released. Exclusively for women, this tablet boasts a host of must have apps for women all presented on a lovely pink background (personally I'm all about blue, pink is too Barbie and while all the other girls were playing wedding I was rockin down with my brother's He-Man toys).



Who should buy this product?

Men who have wives who like shiny things but have no real competency for technology

• You don't have to spend hours downloading things for them, the woman you are probably buying this for will have hours of fun just clicking whatever they can see and charting their menstrual cycle with Woman's Log (yes it comes with it) in the hopes of having your child and buying them an iPad of their own for their fifth birthday (see previous post "Quit Blaming the Games" for a glimpse into your future).
• Hope you have plenty of disposable income as this device will come with more then just a base price tag, it'll also come with monthly credit card bills.
• Great for finding clothing, shoes, bags, perfumes and chatting about them as it comes with apps for that as well.
• Just remember that the more familiar she becomes with the device, the less clever you're going to look.

Who shouldn't buy this product?

Any professional women, gamer girls or any person who wants to be taken seriously in a tech verses tech standoff at the local cafe or bar against better judgement on a sorry Saturday night...

• You'll end up spending ages uninstalling the crap and getting real programs and games on the thing
• There are better things to fill your hard drive with if it even has much of a hard drive at all
• You can get better less pink tablets for about the same price
• Have some self respect ladies... If your boyfriend or husband buys you this, use it to find a good lawyer

Why? Just... Why?

Apparently women think tablets are too tricky to use says the company releasing it. If a tablet is too tricky, then good luck getting them on the tinterwebs to see your product. I'd be surprised if they could even manage to figure out the TV remote to see your commercial, or the little knobs and switches on the radio to hear your advert.

This woman won't be buying one thanks! I'm quite happy with my current Android tablet which I've been using successfully for over a year now alongside my iPod, Android phone, laptop and desktop PC. I can not only cook and shop without my devices, I can think for myself as well. :)

Dear ePad Femme...
LoLololoLOLOLolOLolOlol

Update:

I have been searching high and low and other then the cooking, shopping and menstrual apps this is what I can tell you:

• 8" inches of touchable screen (a bit more phablet then tablet)
• 16 GB RAM (not too shabby actually)
• SD Card Reader (unsure if it's 1 GB + card reader to make it 16 GB like other tablets with these specs)
• Android Ice Cream Sandwich 4.0 (makes sense as it's the most market heavy design, but it's still 2.14 in a 2.17 world)
• CPU runs an unconfirmed 1.5 GHz (not bad but not that great)

Not mentioned so far: Camera, resolution, GPS, Wifi, and a few other givens

Price: Just under $200

Closest Available Products:

- VERSUS Touchtab 8 Dual Core 8" Tablet - 16 GB ($200)

- HP Touchpad 9.7" Tablet - 16GB ($100)

Game: Hellfire

So the first game I'm going to speak on is a catchy card game called Hellfire. I spotted this freemium title on App Annie in the top 5 grossing for Slovakia of all places. Standing out in the sea of Clash of Clans and Candy Crush Saga icons, I felt compelled to check it out. Needless to say, it has far outplayed the addiction level of Square Enix recent card game Guardian Cross.

Not following a story line so to speak, it gives rise to an endless loop of things to do. The events occur every couple of days for a few days and are actually the first time I ever applied the word "frenzy" to any freemium title. This game is the opposite of PvP in an amazing way! I will explain as I run through it.

Working off a Paper Toss mechanic where you throw orbs of power at your enemies by swiping your screen, it is simple yet still requires skill. Just want you want from a game. Anyone can do it effectively but certain people will do it perfectly. It's a refreshing change from the average tap mechanic you get from most games.

It's much easier to play on a tablet as you have far more precision, but the graphics begin to suffer slightly at that resolution. Cards looks fine in their smaller frames, but if you view it full screen they begin to pixelate.

WoW Factor:

• Beautiful artwork 
• No expense spared and style consistent
• Real time beneficial player interactions 
• Is found you, lemme giveayou stuff!
• Raid FRENZY during events 
• They have made the word raid work in a card game... kudos

Frown Factor:

• Not enough space for cards (they did recently increase it to 100)
• There are so many beautiful and brilliant cards, you want to keep not only functional cards but vanity cards. You'll understand why this can be a problem a little later on.
• Down time between events can sometimes drag
• The one or two days gap between events can seem like a massive length of time when the game moves at a whirlwind pace when the events are on.
• SNAPFU: I just lost three hours of my night, wtf...
• You can get carried away to far distant lands for hours on end with this game. You can do the usual 5 minutes here and there, don't get me wrong, but when you have so much loot to collect in the game and sort out, it can become a bit of a time commitment with the hundred card limit.

Singleplayer (kinda)

Quick Overview

Mobage Inc. is responsible for giving us this lovely app for both iOS and Android. The mechanics involved are brilliantly simple and effective. Create a deck of 9 cards (3 groups of 3) and go on quests. Use the different elements against each other to incur maximum damage and obliterate the NPC cards challenging you and complete areas. There are 3 rounds of battle with anywhere from 2 to 5 enemies to defeat in each one. Each enemy has an action count and at the end of it you will be attacked by them so choose your targets carefully.

Allies

In singleplayer you get the chance to earn Ally crystals. These can be used to summon new lower value cards for levelling up your more powerful ones. These you get from selecting a different Ally to take into battle with you before engaging in a Singleplayer Chapter. Successfully defeat the Chapter and receive the previous stated amount of crystals as well as sharing some with the player you just allied with. 

Allies are found at the end of each chapter in singleplayer. It is commonly someone who is also in that area of the game and active at the time. Allies can make or break a battle, if you want to be made one, you have to logged into the game and active in order for other players to discover you.

Singleplayer Loop

• Mind your lead cards elements as you want to avoid taking a boss or similar of the opposing element (which will do you max damage) and select a Chapter.
• Pick an Ally to take into battle with you. Always good to take one using the opposing element of the area you're going into.
• Mind the action timers on your enemies and look to remove the opposing elements as quickly as possible
• Survive the three rounds and advance to the victory screen
• Receive experience (even if failed)
  (only on a win)
• Chance to get common cards for merging 
• Receive Ally Crystals for successfully taking an Ally through battle with you 
• Chance to discover a new Ally (who will appear during battle and attack without prompt)
• Chance to discover a Boss Gate (only when an event is active)

Multiplayer

Multiplayer Loop

• Check you have at least 1 Battle Energy or 1 Small Battle Potion by which to gain a Battle Energy to challenge a boss with
• Check if any Allies have requested your help and what level the enemies are if they have and whether they have made an effort to damage them down a bit
• If no raid bosses are available start questing in the hopes of discovering a Boss Gate
• Find a Boss and take them on
• Get 1x damage for 1 BE
• Get 3x damage for 2 BE
• Get 5x damage for 3 BE
• You can choose how many to use if you have the max 3 slots lit up, unused BE will be carried over
• Enter the battle and watch for the seals to appear
• They will be the different elements. Memorise them. There will be between 3 and 6 of them normally.
• Attack each seal with the opposing element to score maximum damage
• Hit the seal square on for a critical hit which will double your damage.
• Keep flicking your orbs of exponential damage at your enemy until the 40 second timer has expired or they are dead 
• If you have failed to destroy them you may be given the chance to call in your allies to finish them off in order to make gains
• Advance to the reward screen where you are given many lovely things!
• Score medals for doing the most damage out of all players
• Score medals for the enemy having been defeated
• Score medals for working with different quantities of other players
• Score Battle Potions for discovering the boss
• Score Battle Potions for dealing the final blow of a battle 

Cards

Now here's where your time can get a bit lost. Once you've collected all your medals, you can use them to perform card summons of various grades depending on the enemy you defeated and the medals you received. 

Bronze Medal: Summons 1 star cards and very occasionally 2 star cards

Silver Medal: Summons 2 star cards and very occasionally 3 star cards

Gold Medal: Summons 3 star cards and very occasionally 4 star cards

These aren't the only cards you can summon. There's an entire wall of summons deals to sift through and most of them require Firecoins. 

Cost of a Firecoin = 0.006 and for less then 1.00 you can summon a card rare or above

Battle Potions are also available for purchase

This doesn't mean that only the paying players are advancing. By raiding like a mofo you can easily build up an arsenal of cards that are super rare. Each card starts with a rating, but through evolution steps up a grade. The trick is being patient enough to collect the full fury through the medal system.

Evolution

Each card can be merged with its core card four times to create a more powerful and rare card (I added the crappy stars, I'm not trying to insult the incredibly gifted and professional artists at Mobage Inc. :) )

This is where the time consuming aspect comes in. You are free to feed any card into your existing cards to level them up, but the cards are worth so much more if you can get them to their final evolution before you do so. You also get bonus experience for merging like cards. Each cards base stat will increase with each merging of the same card. Score enough 3 star cards from your silver medal summons (the most common mid raid level) and you have 4 star cards. Get enough gold medals and earn 4 star cards that have the potential to become 5 star cards (the miximum). It's very gratifying.

Each card has a different image for every evolution and they are all worth appreciating. This is where my frown rating comes in as the vanity value of some cards is brilliant. They are gorgeous or quirky, maybe menacing or eclectic and you just want to keep them for pure appreciation and self enjoyment. I love the 3rd Evo on the Shadow Fae Archer as an example, but she's a low rarity card and not worth keeping otherwise.

Suggestions:

• The game could do with a catalogue of cards discovered and evolved for showing your friends as you don't always remember to screen grab.
• Once a card is fully evolved, players should have the ability to pay for the chance to display the fully evolved card at any level of its evolution if they choose.

Event Leaderboards

When the events are on, all players are gathering points to earn a spot on the leaderboard. Leaderboard ranks are rewarded with rare gifts at the end of the event including the cards involved in that event that you will never have the chance of getting again.

The game pays out to the hundred of thousands, so your chances of scoring some loot is a good one!

Hints and Tips!

• Water douses Fire - Fire burns Death - Death poisons Earth - Earth absorbs Water
• Mix up your deck a little bit and don't pair up opposing elements
• Leave the game running for the sake of it occasionally to attract allies
• Don't waste your Battle Potions! Check out how much time is left on a Raid Boss and if people are working on them before investing
• Don't worry about caching in your medals when a legendary boss has been released, there's no maximum on how many medals you can have. You can summon cards a hundred at a time once the run is over or you exhaust your Battle Potions
• You won't be short on allies if you play often enough so clear out the ones that have churned so you don't waste your time on players that won't appreciate the Ally Jewels
• Earn those Silver Medals!

Get it:

Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.mobage.ww.a953.Fuzion_Android

iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/app/hellfire/id557044972?mt=8

Raptr

It is time to discuss one of my favourite haunts... raptr! That banner tells no lies, it is a community for gamers that transcends platforms and lets you rack up ranks, rep AND rewards simply for playing the games you most enjoy and a few you might have been considering trying.

Sign-up and download the client. You get a nifty toolbar to one side of your computer screen and you're off and running. Connect your accounts, invite your friends, join then visit the forums for your game, meet other people and get those much needed tips and tricks if need be.

+ Game publishers and developers, you can incentive new players to pick up your game and have a go through this community.
+ Game players, you can get FREE in game rewards for picking up the weekly challenges detailed at the raptr community.

As a game farmer, I'm very much pro FREE STUFF. Here you can get FREE STUFF if your game is on the list. We're not talking free t-shirts and other 7004 that's splashed out so you can promote someones product while hanging out with your friends or loitering outside the local strip joint, this loot is better, much much better. This loot is IN GAME.

We're talking equipment, guns, buffs, consumables and what-have-you. Buffs and consumables are usually one offs, but the equipment and guns are normally yours to keep. Grab yourself an in game item few other people are guaranteed to be waving in your face or shooting you in the back with.

I've included a couple of the current rewards below. Free avatar stuff for XBL? Get on it!

 With the best bits out of the way, let's take a look at the technical side of things.

raptr lets you:

• Connect your PSN account
• Connect your Xbox account
• Track your browser game usage as well

raptr does for you:

• Tracks your game time and ranks you in accordance to the time you spent in the game
• Ranks you against other players in the community that play that game
• Informs you when you meet prerequisites for rewards and what you're missing (sometimes regional)
• Gives you weekly, monthly and yearly stat read outs
• Publishers: These also sometimes mention the most active gameplay day and months. Players get free loot, you get free stats.
• Players: You will marvel at where your life has gone and where you found the time.
• Let's you register games that aren't in the system that might be new so you can start racking up rank
• Let's you manually enter game time for handheld devices
• I don't doubt one day they will have ALL accounts linked if possible

What can I say? I love raptr. Some people have reported difficulties linking their accounts, but if at first you don't succeed, try again the next day when your account has been formally established and put into the register. It's very much worth looking into and it is definitely well worth FREE STUFF! 

Players organise games and gatherings, post all the latest news for their favourite games and help you get the jump on the updates.

It's about time we broke down the barriers and unite as gamers. raptr is here to help and help it will. www.raptr.com to get on board. Sign yourself up, get a feel for the community and you're off and running. Check out the rewards, see if any of your fav games are on it and find a good reason to delve deeper or revisit games you might have strayed from or completed a couple of months ago.

Rekindle your love affair of free rewards and enjoy doing the thing you would have done with or without free rewards, play games!

Quit Blaming the Games

Alright, so maybe a tactful rant as one of my primary post isn't exactly the best idea but I feel compelled to do it. I will also eventually get around to properly formatting the blog and making it look much cleaner and snappy.

Dear Parents,

Stop blaming the games for your children's problems or the problems your children create.

Unless your child is a teenager, someone had to have given them the devices and bought or downloaded that game for them. That is not the games industry's fault. This works in the same way as blaming food makers for your child being over weight. If you didn't purchase or download it for your child, find out who did.

Tablets, phablets, phones and pods require passwords. If your child hands you a device and it's asking for a password, have you not stopped to ask yourself why? Or is the device such a trusted babysitter for your child that you assume it is sentient and only has the capability to nurture, cuddle and force your child to do good?

Especially iOS devices (iPhones, iPods and iPads) request you input credit card details in order to create an iTunes account. If this doesn't strike you as a warning sign that purchases could be made at any point, put the device down. Not that Apple will trick you into making purchases, it will always politely and considerately request you confirm your purchase before proceeding. Your password will now be stored for five minutes unless otherwise specified in your settings (yes every device has settings) as Apple may be assuming that at the dear price their devices come in at most users will be in their late teens or older and have the capacity to understand the technology (unlike your children and toddlers who just like to make things happen by pushing and prodding things, like payment buttons).

For those of you who really are new to the whole mobile phenomena here's some advice:

1. Games with LITE in the title are FREE. They are shortened versions of full games, so it is a demo of sorts your child can play for a level or two. After that it will prompt them to buy the FULL version.

2. Purchased games are usually free from in app purchases. These are FULL games like you get on consoles etc. You buy a bundle of game and your child is free to play it over and over again. If there is a second version of the game or a sequel it may prompt your child to purchase it if they finish the original.

3. Freemium games are free to download and play BUT people can make in app purchases to make it easier or speed things up. My Little Pony fell into some hot water or this not that long ago because parents were inputting their passwords into their devices when requested by their children and not questioning why, racking up huge bills.

4. Temporary sale games are games that are normally purchase apps but for a short while are free to download. These are FULL games that you can find in a bargain bin. It's worth looking for them every once in while while your child is in bed or elsewhere.

Downloading things for them to play is a great idea. Don't just let your child download anything. Just because it's cute, colourful and has a catchy inch big icon that looks child friendly on the details, doesn't mean it is. Not only do I recommend you download content for them, I also recommend you play it before they do. Many of them come with multiple saves or the ability to wipe your data so they can start fresh.

Quite a few games now support chat rooms and the such these days, so if you wouldn't want your child talking to strangers outside, know if they have the capability of doing so in their games.

If you do not care what your child is doing or you aren't interested in them or their activities, this is why they have problems or will have problems. You are giving them the impression that technology and games are more interested in having fun with them then you are. If this is you, GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND RAISE YOUR CHILDREN, THEY DON'T RAISE THEMSELVES!

Thanks For Your Time,
slightlyNsane